_A C Man's Lament_

The problem I find when I'm looking at lines
Of programs all written in C,
Is that syntax and grammer resemble the stammer
Of a dyslexic demoralised bee.

I'll bet any man here (I'll wager a beer),
Can't guess how to copy a string;
The mess is dramatic, all *[ 
. & _ !*

Pointers collected, and thrice indirected
Collated in STRUCTs and compiled.
When traced by debugger can make codes shudder
And conditionals drive a man wild.

I don't wish to seem bitchy, but if only old Ritchie
Had been strangled at birth by a nurse.
And the fate that I've planned for all Kernighan's clan
Is unprintably several times worse.

I find that the pain begins with the MAIN
The only way out is to hack it
The one bit of syntax that keeps my mind intact
Is the very last *} *

I hope that this ode is clearer that code
I write in that monstrosity.
You might think that Pascal's a bit of a rascal,
But the ultimate ba{\em *}d is C!

My program is calling (in structure appalling)
I must finish my poetic plea.
But, let's all face it, use FORTH, LISP or BASIC
- whatever you do, don't use C.

						Anon.

Translator's guide to pronunciation:
	*[ *Open square bracket
	{\em .} Dot
	*& *Ampersand
	*_ *Underline
	*! *Pling
	*} *Close curly bracket
	{\em * }Star