Dear:
  [ ] Loser                   [ ] Lamer           [ ] Dweeb
  [ ] Me-too-er               [ ] Pervert         [ ] Geek
  [ ] Spammer                 [ ] Nerd            [ ] Elvis
  [ ] MS employee             [ ] Freak           [ ] Scientologist
  [ ] Tory voter              [ ] Bible-thumper   [ ] Anonymous coward

 You Are Being Flamed Because:
  [ ] You posted a "test" in a newsgroup other than alt.test
  [ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
  [ ] You continued a long, stupid & pointless thread
  [ ] You started an off-topic thread
  [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
  [ ] You said "me too" to something
  [ ] You suck
  [ ] You brag about things that never happened
  [ ] Your sig/alias/server sucks
  [ ] You made up slang then used it in a message
  [ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
  [ ] I don't like your tone of voice
  [ ] You posted to more than four newsgroups
  [ ] You were imposing your religious beliefs on others
  [ ] You posted something really stupid/depraved
  [ ] You tried to blame others for your stupidity
  [ ] You incorrectly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual
       superiority
  [ ] You are posting an anonymous attack

 To Repent, You Must:
  [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
  [ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
  [ ] Actually post something relevant
  [ ] Read the FAQ
  [ ] Be the guest of honor in alt.flame for a month
  [ ] Post your tests to alt.test
  [ ] Print your home phone number in your adverts
  [ ] Slam your fingers in a desk drawer repeatedly
  [ ] Become a Satanist, sell your kids to Michael Jackson

 In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
  [ ] Blimey!
  [ ] Get a life
  [ ] Never post again
  [ ] I pity your dog
  [ ] Go to hell
  [ ] Yer mum's so fat/stupid/ugly that etc...
  [ ] Take your crap somewhere else
  [ ] Learn to post or sod off
  [ ] Do us all a favor and crawl into some industrial machinery
  [ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electrical socket
  [ ] All of the above

 end flame.