Date   : Sun, 21 Aug 2011 08:53:02
From   : heyrick.beebsoc@... (Rick Murray)
Subject: [BeebSoc] It's the thought that counts

On 19/08/2011 16:37, Mark Usher wrote:

> imagine has not an inconsiderable amount of things that Rick's Mother would
> certainly not approve of.

;-)


> whipped from behind her back something akin to a feather duster.

Oh, how female!

Seriously, I don't mean to be sexist - but if a cute girl came along and 
offered beef & beer for concise directions to where the feather dusters 
were in the supermarket, how many of us blokes would attempt to work it 
out by a process akin to:

   Not there, that's chips.
   Coffee on that aisle.
   Beans there.
   [etc]

Then you get to "health and hygiene" (read: perfume/shampoo/toothpaste) 
here, bog roll there, bin bags there... gah! Where are they!!?!

That aisle? That one with mops and stuff? We walk right on by...


> better than the old feather ones, because it is nylon and uses static
> electricity to pick up all the dust.

<gulp!>


> only for her to come along and do me a good turn

That's exactly it. She must *never* use that contraption near delicate 
electronics!


> and somehow I think I am going to have to wait until Christmas for
> another present...

It was a nice thought, from an entirely female perspective, mind you. If 
we wanted stuff "dusted", we'd have dusted it. Those cobwebs "add 
character". And, no, you don't want to ask what that rat's nest of 
cabling is for.

At least I have been a geek long enough to stop mom by saying "you 
wouldn't understand the explanation". The first few times she took 
offence, so I explained, in the geekiest terms possible. ;-)


> Perhaps just a lock on the door...

*BAD* idea. A lock means you have something to hide. Internet porn? 
On-line girlfriend? <shudder> Cybersex? </shudder> [*]

Best idea is to be "experimenting" and hook up lots of complicated 
looking wires. Then get in a strop one day because one of the wires 
wasn't correct. Drag her in, point to this wire with a miniature kink in 
it, and go on and on with as many multi-syllable words as you can 
remember from the glossary at the back of an RSGB book. With a little 
luck she'll get the idea to leave it *well* alone.

What are you experimenting? Simple. You know how stuff is "transmitted", 
like TV and radio? Well, everything transmits a little bit so there is 
always a sort of constant background "noise". That's the missing you 
hear on the radio when it isn't tuned to any particular station. Only 
there have been reports of fluctuations in this background noise, and a 
fairly simple antenna ought to pick it up, but the design and pattern of 
the antenna is critical for best performance.

There is some truth in this - solar activity affects the general level 
of radiation flying around. It is up to you if you want to go for 
hardcore science or aim more at messages from little green men, or even 
the first signs of the decay of our little insignificant star (equals 
death of sun = death of humanity). Or just to see how hard you can yank 
her chain? ;-) *MUST* be done absolutely straight-faced, however.


* - shudder: 50% for the very idea of the ridiculousness of "online sex"
     and 50% for the "cyber" prefix.


Best wishes,

Rick.